IF THEIR MOM IS ABUSED, CHILDREN SUFFER

(Article published in HWW March 2008)

by Andrea Dixon, clinical social worker who has worked with women who are abused by their partners as well as children who witness abuse.

Children are the forgotten victims of domestic violence. Domestic violence is chronic. It happens in cycles. There’s the tension period followed by an incident (yelling, hitting, and so on), followed by a cooling off period and then it starts all over again.

The fact that the child lives inside this constant cycle affects his development. If a pregnant woman is being beaten by her partner, this stress or even a blow can injure even the unborn child. These children grow up to be anxious, insecure, confused and might even think they caused the violence. They may be afraid to go to sleep at night because fights often happen at night. They might begin to wet their beds all of a sudden. They might become withdrawn or aggressive. When they live with violence they are learning to be victims or perpetrators of violence. Children who experience abuse can develop learning disabilities.

If a person abuses you, it doesn’t mean that there is something the matter with you. The fact is there is something the matter with the abuser. Nobody has a right to hurt you, especially someone who says he loves you or is the father of your children.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT….

1. not to be pushed, shoved, pounded, slapped, bruised, kicked or strangled

2. not to be verbally attacked or accused

3. not to have your possessions damaged

4. not to be interfered with in your comings and goings

5. not to be followed, harassed or spied on

6. not to be ridiculed, put down, made fun of, or belittled (alone or in front of others)

7. not to be emotionally starved

8. not to be isolated.

Children need to grow up in a home that is safe, where they can feel secure, where they can be nurtured. You, the mother, are the protector of your children. Your job is to provide these things for them as best you can. The batterer might try to prevent you from doing your job, by not letting you leave the home, even to get medical care for your children or provide food for them. But it’s important that you work to keep them safe and see that their needs are provided for. You may need help and help is available.

HELP IS AVAILABLE

New York City Domestic Violence Hotline.
English and Spanish (800) 621-4673 (621-HOPE)

National Domestic Violence Hotline.
(800) 799-7233 (799-SAFE)

New York State Child Abuse and Neglect Prevention Information Line (800) 342-7472

Safe Horizon Hotline (212) 227-3000

Voices of Women Organizing Project (VOW) is a grass roots organization of survivors of domestic violence who organize to improve policies and services for battered women and their children in New York City. VOW welcomes survivors who have been out of an abusive relationship for at least one year. For more information, call(212) 696-1481 or go to www.vowbwrc.org.