MY SECRET INVADER

(Article published in HWW April 2007)

by Maria Arocho. A resident of Sammon Build in the Bronx, Maria recently moved to her own apartment.

How could I explain to the world that I have Lupus? That I don’t have any control over my dramatic change. "Maria, why do you look this way," the majority would say to me. "What happened to your hair? " "Are you taking drugs?" "Who gave you this disease?" I had to explain detail by detail to my loved ones. I tried to explain that I for one didn’t have anything to do with what happened to me. This disease robbed me of my identity. There were nights when I laid up blaming myself. I didn’t know what Lupus was. I naively thought that AIDS and cancer were the most common diseases out there. When my doctor laid it on me, I honestly didn’t take it seriously. The symptoms began becoming active.

Before I tell you how this disease affected me, I want you to learn some information about Lupus. Lupus is a chronic autoimmune disease in which the immune system turns against the body and harms healthy cells. An autoimune disease is a disease that occurs when antibodies react against the body’s own issue. I suffer from pain and feel as though I was hit by a truck. I beg the doctors for drugs. There are also a group of disorders that cause aches, pain and stiffness in the joins, ligaments, tendons, muscles, and bones. Furthermore, we don’t know where this disease comes from. This is why the guilt trip didn’t do me any justice. There isn’t any cure for this disease. Many doctors and specialists control its symptoms with steroids. Steroids usually keep the inflammation down. I suffer from inflammation.

There are some who have handled this disease better than others. Regardless of the outcome, we are still battling an illness, an illness which there isn’t any cure for. In other words, all I hear is "do this" and "try this." This usually always comes from people who haven’t a clue to what it is to fight a disease on a regular basis. I feel like a guinea pig, experimenting with what’s out there. I have tried almost every Lupus medication available. I even signed up for trial drugs at one of the best hospitals in the city.

I am 30 years of age and feel as though I am 90. There are times when I cannot walk, talk, or move one single part of my body. I know now that only the Lord can hear my cries. With time I will find many answers for life’s struggle. There must be a reason that I am still here and that my time isn’t up yet. I am the mother of a ten year old and nine year old. There’s isn’t anything else I live for. My children are my medicine. I wasn’t asking to be born, many would agree, but I have a responsibility to live and try to fight this disease to the end.

One day I want to write a book and tell ordinary everyday people about the truth about Lupus. There are many books written about Lupus but they are written by doctors. I live with this disease every day. I will tell you like it is -- how the doctors treated me, my family members, and so-called friends. People are usually scared of change so we shouldn’t blame them. We fear those we don’t understand. My ex husband walked out on me during when I was at my worst. I mean I was sick, a hundred and three every day for a month. He probably was scared and confused. My own doctor didn’t know what to do with me.

I have overcome many demons throughout this battle and I know I still had to fight this was because this battle isn’t over. Every time I go through my fair share of hardship it only makes me stronger. I have been used and abused. Now, I don’t want you to feel sorry for me because if I can help anyone in any way this makes me feel worthy inside. This feeling is the greatest boost of energy inside. Sort of a purpose in life. I have learned to move on in life, to forgive and forget. Leave it to the big man to do the judging. Some friendly advice, there are consequences of everything you do in life.

I don’t know what the future holds. I am not a psychic but I do know to try to do that very best that you can do. Be all you can be. Sounds lame but true. By the way, look out for me, one day I will be on Oprah.